Why we chose to ditch video games

I remember handing Josiah our first Nintendo DSi. We surprised him with it just after we boarded and got to our seats on the flight to Germany for our big move here. His entire face lit up. He was so excited to finally have one! It was something that he had wanted for a while and we thought with traveling it would be the perfect thing for the kids to have.

That was three years ago. Since then, we've accumulated about four other handheld devices. We've enjoyed weekends where we could sleep in because of them, and have had many fun times playing Wii by having 'family fun night'. For the most part though, video games have been a major point of stress for us. Even though we had their game time limited to the weekends, it was still causing problems. If they weren't playing their video games, they were talking about them or thinking about them. The boys would constantly ask to check their games (clever marketing scheme...games that have to be 'checked' to redeem points or whatever), or would get bored because they weren't allowed to play their games. Most of our conversations revolved around their video games, and for Richie and I, we weren't excited talking about games that were of no interest to us. It was hard to be engaged in conversation with our (oldest two) kids and this really hurt my heart. We wanted our conversation to have some meaning and substance! That was a huge part behind our decision but it wasn't the only thing that bothered us.

If they were playing, they would often fight over who had which game, who played who's game and messed it up, and then Luna and Pace would want in on the fun. Yippee-fun for stressed out parents trying to referree video games. The kids would often spend some of their game time searching for new, free games to download, and then ask us to download them. After all it's free, so why not, right? We even limited the downloads to one per weekend. Whoever had the idea for free apps was a genius. The best marketing strategy eeeever.

We finally made a decision that we talked about for months and never followed through on. It was a tough decision to make initially, but we finally pulled the plug on video games. Completely. Completely as in not even on the weekends, they can't earn game time by doing chores anymore, and they don't get to ask to play either.  It might sound extreme, and that's because it is extreme. 

It took us a while to get to this point, partly because we tried to limit their game exposure and try all other things first. And partly because we were hesitant in losing our big negotiating piece of discipline... 'game time' or lack of. But even that became a stress in our home and continued to invlove much of our time.

Surprisingly after making this decision to ditch the electronic games, there was no kicking or screaming. We waited until we came home from our vacation in the States this summer to fully implement it. It's been about two months now.

So how is it going? So far so great! Elee came to me several weeks ago completely out of the blue, and told me he was glad we took away video games. He had just come in from playing outside with Josiah. He mentioned how he was glad to have more time to be creative and more time to do things outside. Whaaaat? Is this really my child telling me this? I knew he was sincere because he was just in the yard building a fort with his big brother, unadulterated, with no talk of video games or the next time they would get to play video games. For Elee, this was a huge deal. This was proof to us that limiting the games didn't work (at least in our situation). Even though it sounds great to limit game exposure, it was impossible for them to get it off of their minds. Even as an adult it's hard for me to stop playing certain games. Bejewled Blitz and Candy Crush anyone? I love those games! If it's hard for me to stop playing, I know it's difficult for kids to willfully stop playing or to stop thinking about them. And if I play before bed, I have pixelated images dashing through my mind, matching up colors and shapes, as I drift off into sleep. Playing at night before bed? Bad idea for me. Where's the off switch? Coincidently, I've slowed down as well with playing games and have found that I have more time at night to read a book or watch a movie or TV show together with Richie.

On our last vacation to Italy a few weeks ago, we went without the video games and I have to tell you that it was so nice to be asked by Josiah on several occassions to play Chess with him. A real, live, personable, interacting-with-each-other game. It was really refreshing. That's not to say that we won't have family fun night and play Wii together in the future (we haven't done so recently because there has been other things to do). I actually love being able to sit with Josiah and play a round of Family Feud on Facebook. We still do that. It's special time that we get to spend together and it's always limited to the free games (which is only one or two at a time). 

We realized we were missing out on something and passing up on oportunities to interact with the kids and for them to interact with each other. This isn't something they'll always choose if they are handed electronics with cool noises and images. Ironically, they appreciated it when we made the choice for them on this one. A lot of people have told me, and I'm sure you've heard it before too, that our kids need to learn how to use them because this is their generation. I agree with that to a point. I mean, I get that, but I know they will learn technology in other ways such as using the computer to google when they have a question like, 'how many types of frogs are there in the world', or 'what is the most venomous snake'? I find it really interesting that now, given the opportunity to not think about their games, they've shown interest in other things that I don't think would've happened otherwise. Josiah has taken the initiative by helping me cook meals, and he writes more often (he uses the computer sometimes too).  One specific example was just last weekend. Pace peed the bed and Josiah got in the shower with him. He cleaned him up and dressed him without even waking us up! This act of selflessness would've never happened if he had been playing his video games with the normal tunnel vision. He was so proud to tell us after we woke up the great job that he did. And, we still got to sleep in without the video games! The kids play together and use their imagination more often and they've built, like, 20 times more forts. ;) The list goes on. Who knows how long we will keep it up for, but we're enjoying it at least for now.

Simple. Fun. Pure. Child's play.

Our house is a much more peaceful place.